antumbrac | After Trial Mingle

I see.

[And maybe he meant what he said about making ourselves useful, maybe he's just feeling restless. Who knows. Either way...]

If there's anything you require in terms of assistance, I can see what I can do about it. Perhaps.

[ A moment of silence follows. Of course, they have common interests. Getting out of here being one of them. But how much the tides have turned since the first weeks... Mikami doesn't believe that people can change. He really does not. But... ]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[ And he does. How cursed is that? ]

If I have any new ideas, you'll know right away. And likewise... if you think up something to do about our situation, I'd like to cooperate.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not the best at this.

[Just saying. Quote him on that and die.]

I do think we can start without ruling out those who are willing to volunteer themselves. An innocent person died, yes. Refusing valid assistance will do nothing to change that. If Zangetsu wants to offer himself up for destruction, allow him.

Should he lose his mind I'll kill him myself.

[ Hngh. The sour look that passes Mikami's face is expected - he's having a very hard time with this concept! But he's giving his best! Kinda! ]

Don't kill him unless it absolutely can't be avoided. Not that I care if he lives, but it might trigger a trial. I don't want to have to vote you out for taking protective measures.

Bluntly put, you're more valuable than he is. In trials and the investigation periods beforehand.

I would prefer to not kill anyone. I'm not self-sacrificial, and certainly not for this lot here. But if someone is going to die, it's more prudent that it be him than you.

So far, nobody who took the hint or was otherwise afflicted has died or completely lost it. I did consider there to be a decent chance that I'd stay of use for the foreseeable future, even with that curse placed on me.

[ He's not unreasonable! He thinks. ]

But as long as we are in agreement to watch Zangetsu's behavior very closely, I'll consider letting him take it. I alone would not be able to stop him on a rampage. I may be physically strong, but my combat ability is low.

...Define "low."

[Like, can you do anything or are you just utterly useless.]

I've gotten into physical fights before, though I was never the attacker. I've done weight-lifting for years now, I can hold my own.

But I don't know anything about armed combat. The worst anyone has ever pulled on me is a knife. Magic abilities, heavier weaponry... They're all foreign to me.

...I use swords. I've seen guns in use before coming here, but I never used them myself. And my ability doesn't have strong offensive capabilities, despite what everyone at the trials likes to allege.

[So between us, let's hope we can melee Zangetsu to death.]

[ Surely, it's fine. Surely 'swords' and 'idk some nice biceps' will be able to subdue the ice-slinging madman. ]

That makes two of us for the abilities. Now that I know the Doppelganger falls apart at any damage, any hopes of using it to restrain somebody have been dashed.

At this rate I may need to see about actually acquiring a firearm, as much as I dislike it.

[At least you're not hassling him to try to find out what his ability actually is.]

Can they be acquired so casually? I doubt the guns from my world would even work here, they seem to function differently.

[ He has three guesses and for now he's content with those. Cumore better not disappoint him and kill someone now :| ]

There might be a chance at the store in the post-office. With the amount of swords and other murder utensils that came from there, it seems like a distinct possibility. The Lady wants us to murder with relative ease after all, and not everyone is versed in swordplay.

...I suppose that's fair.

[He still doesn't really get it; guns are so impractical...]

I could possibly teach myself to shoot firearms eventually; I've just never had reason to learn. Guns are large, inaccurate things that require rare components to work, in my experience; bows are far more reliable, to say nothing of easier to aim.

I may try to obtain one of those, if nothing else. Some sort of ranged weaponry is better than nothing for the time being.

The guns I know from my world are more precise than that. Bows used to be the favorite in long-range weapons for a long period of history, but they've been entirely phased out today.

Colleagues from the police use guns and they also see use in crimes I investigate so I am not entirely unfamiliar with them. While I won't reach expertise, it would do.

[ He... hopes. He's gone this long without getting a weapon out of sheer stubbornness, but after all that happened, he's now realizing he should maybe have armed himself sooner. Not just in the name of self-protection but also to intervene with others. ]

I assume bows would be similar for you. With the limited practice time we have, sticking to what we have base familiarity with might be best.

Of course.

[...]

I'll reiterate that I'm not self-sacrificial. I won't intentionally put myself in harm's way if it can be helped.

But I'm not interested in dying here, either. I'm not reckless enough to attempt murder at this point in time.

I know. And I'd rather hope that point in time won't come.

[ He can't say he trusts in this, but trust is a luxury they can generally not afford. ]

I won't let anyone else die to her cruel games if I can help it. And I'm sure you would call me self-sacrificial, but it's also not in my intend to die uselessly. I want to see the Lady face punishment.

I'll accept that, Teru Mikami. If you must die here, try your hardest to not make it pointless; that's all I ask.

You have my word on it.

[ And judging by his expression, that's a pretty serious word he's giving. ]

Good.

[Cumore is kind of a capricious asshole, it's sort of hard to tell how much that means to him. But he does seem to accept it, at the very least.]

We're going to win here, simply because we don't have any choice. But in the end, the reason why will matter reasonably little as long as we win.

I agree. Every one of us has their additional reasons to want to win this fight and some of those I don't even want to know... but it's the end result that counts. It's good that most everyone can agree on that much.

It's going to be very satisfying to see her punished.

It will.

[...]

What do you plan on doing after the fact? Simply lying down and dying? You were commenting on having nothing to return to.

[ wow, don't put it so unfavorably. ]

I'd choose different words, but yes. My life is already over. I don't plan on dying before she gets what's coming for her, if I can at all help it, but I don't plan on surviving either.

And what point will there be in that?

I'm not asking why you believe that to be an option. I'm asking what purpose it will serve.

[ There's silence here, genuinely stunned. Mikami has a thousand reasons why criminals and sinners need to die, so now that he's become one of them, naturally he needs to die as well. But then, when he goes through the reasons one by one, they don't really apply.

1. So they won't hurt somebody else again. The most important reason. Justice needs to be served and the world needs to be cleansed of negative influences. But then... Mikami knows himself and even without his memories of his crime, he knows he wouldn't repeat it.

2. To set an example for other possible criminals. But nobody knows Mikami did this. Nobody knows he is here either. The example will reach nobody.

3. To bring peace to the hearts of the victims. But Light Yagami, Kira, is already dead. There is nothing that could bring peace to him now. Mikami knows this all too well.

And that means he just has to die because he hasto, because it's consistent and because, plain and simple and pathetic, he can't live with himself.

That's... why can't he give an easy answer? Why is his throat so dry as his carefully constructed morality ties itself into knots around the implications of the multiverse? ]

I... You've always asked me to prove my conviction. What kind of justice would it be if I exempted myself from it?

[ He hasn't even told Cumore about his crimes yet, but that seems secondary, now that he can't justify himself any other way. ]

I believe I just asked you to not die pointlessly. Does your word mean that little, with regards to that?

[He's not at all surprised to hear that Mikami's done something hideous. He liked to flaunt his status as a prosecutor at the start, and people who base their importance on status have almost always done hideous things in Cumore's experience. Maybe he's not as bad as Ragou ended up being; maybe he's not even as bad as Cumore is currently. Maybe he's worse. Who knows, and more importantly who cares.]

I'm not offering you comfort or an escape from whatever it is you did. I doubt you would want such a thing anyway. But are we leaving the decision of what should be done to the criminals up to the criminals themselves now?

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suicidal ideation cw

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suicidal ideation cw

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