antumbrac | After Trial Mingle

...I use swords. I've seen guns in use before coming here, but I never used them myself. And my ability doesn't have strong offensive capabilities, despite what everyone at the trials likes to allege.

[So between us, let's hope we can melee Zangetsu to death.]

[ Surely, it's fine. Surely 'swords' and 'idk some nice biceps' will be able to subdue the ice-slinging madman. ]

That makes two of us for the abilities. Now that I know the Doppelganger falls apart at any damage, any hopes of using it to restrain somebody have been dashed.

At this rate I may need to see about actually acquiring a firearm, as much as I dislike it.

[At least you're not hassling him to try to find out what his ability actually is.]

Can they be acquired so casually? I doubt the guns from my world would even work here, they seem to function differently.

[ He has three guesses and for now he's content with those. Cumore better not disappoint him and kill someone now :| ]

There might be a chance at the store in the post-office. With the amount of swords and other murder utensils that came from there, it seems like a distinct possibility. The Lady wants us to murder with relative ease after all, and not everyone is versed in swordplay.

...I suppose that's fair.

[He still doesn't really get it; guns are so impractical...]

I could possibly teach myself to shoot firearms eventually; I've just never had reason to learn. Guns are large, inaccurate things that require rare components to work, in my experience; bows are far more reliable, to say nothing of easier to aim.

I may try to obtain one of those, if nothing else. Some sort of ranged weaponry is better than nothing for the time being.

The guns I know from my world are more precise than that. Bows used to be the favorite in long-range weapons for a long period of history, but they've been entirely phased out today.

Colleagues from the police use guns and they also see use in crimes I investigate so I am not entirely unfamiliar with them. While I won't reach expertise, it would do.

[ He... hopes. He's gone this long without getting a weapon out of sheer stubbornness, but after all that happened, he's now realizing he should maybe have armed himself sooner. Not just in the name of self-protection but also to intervene with others. ]

I assume bows would be similar for you. With the limited practice time we have, sticking to what we have base familiarity with might be best.

Of course.

[...]

I'll reiterate that I'm not self-sacrificial. I won't intentionally put myself in harm's way if it can be helped.

But I'm not interested in dying here, either. I'm not reckless enough to attempt murder at this point in time.

I know. And I'd rather hope that point in time won't come.

[ He can't say he trusts in this, but trust is a luxury they can generally not afford. ]

I won't let anyone else die to her cruel games if I can help it. And I'm sure you would call me self-sacrificial, but it's also not in my intend to die uselessly. I want to see the Lady face punishment.

I'll accept that, Teru Mikami. If you must die here, try your hardest to not make it pointless; that's all I ask.

You have my word on it.

[ And judging by his expression, that's a pretty serious word he's giving. ]

Good.

[Cumore is kind of a capricious asshole, it's sort of hard to tell how much that means to him. But he does seem to accept it, at the very least.]

We're going to win here, simply because we don't have any choice. But in the end, the reason why will matter reasonably little as long as we win.

I agree. Every one of us has their additional reasons to want to win this fight and some of those I don't even want to know... but it's the end result that counts. It's good that most everyone can agree on that much.

It's going to be very satisfying to see her punished.

It will.

[...]

What do you plan on doing after the fact? Simply lying down and dying? You were commenting on having nothing to return to.

[ wow, don't put it so unfavorably. ]

I'd choose different words, but yes. My life is already over. I don't plan on dying before she gets what's coming for her, if I can at all help it, but I don't plan on surviving either.

And what point will there be in that?

I'm not asking why you believe that to be an option. I'm asking what purpose it will serve.

[ There's silence here, genuinely stunned. Mikami has a thousand reasons why criminals and sinners need to die, so now that he's become one of them, naturally he needs to die as well. But then, when he goes through the reasons one by one, they don't really apply.

1. So they won't hurt somebody else again. The most important reason. Justice needs to be served and the world needs to be cleansed of negative influences. But then... Mikami knows himself and even without his memories of his crime, he knows he wouldn't repeat it.

2. To set an example for other possible criminals. But nobody knows Mikami did this. Nobody knows he is here either. The example will reach nobody.

3. To bring peace to the hearts of the victims. But Light Yagami, Kira, is already dead. There is nothing that could bring peace to him now. Mikami knows this all too well.

And that means he just has to die because he hasto, because it's consistent and because, plain and simple and pathetic, he can't live with himself.

That's... why can't he give an easy answer? Why is his throat so dry as his carefully constructed morality ties itself into knots around the implications of the multiverse? ]

I... You've always asked me to prove my conviction. What kind of justice would it be if I exempted myself from it?

[ He hasn't even told Cumore about his crimes yet, but that seems secondary, now that he can't justify himself any other way. ]

I believe I just asked you to not die pointlessly. Does your word mean that little, with regards to that?

[He's not at all surprised to hear that Mikami's done something hideous. He liked to flaunt his status as a prosecutor at the start, and people who base their importance on status have almost always done hideous things in Cumore's experience. Maybe he's not as bad as Ragou ended up being; maybe he's not even as bad as Cumore is currently. Maybe he's worse. Who knows, and more importantly who cares.]

I'm not offering you comfort or an escape from whatever it is you did. I doubt you would want such a thing anyway. But are we leaving the decision of what should be done to the criminals up to the criminals themselves now?

[ Mikami wants to protest, debate that he won't die pointlessly here as long as all this mess is ongoing, but then this conversation keeps going like a tram with a broken gas pedal and he's left speechless.

Just kind of staring at Cumore with wide vulnerable eyes that Cumore did not ask for and is still receiving. ]

I've already been judged. I was going to die in my world, I...

[ He's not there anymore. Oh God. ]

Many of us weren't judged and deemed deserving of death, but we've been dying quite a lot here. Our worlds matter reasonably little here, in the end.

We can decide what should be done with you after we're finished here. [...Sort of begging the question of who the fuck "we" are in that sentence, but he'll either figure that out when he gets there or he'll be too dead to care. Either way, that is clearly a problem for future Cumore.] If nothing else, I won't leave you without an answer, and if it's any consolation I don't tend to be generous with regards to my sentencing.

For now I do believe you're right to keep our efforts focused on the Lady. We can solve the rest when we come to it. Just bear in mind that returning to our own worlds might not even be an option.

[ Speechlessness continues though Mikami at least doesn't look like he's about to break down anymore and is slowly regaining some semblance of control over his facial features. Phrases like 'you've judged me enough already' come to mind as being appropriate responses here, but he's somehow not feeling it. ]

I would not go back even if it was and even if I... [ ~~was sentenced to live by you...???~~ ] I wouldn't go back.

In that sense, it does not matter to me. But ideally we seize her power of interdimensional travel for ourselves and return those of you who want to go back. I'll be putting my energy towards that for the time being.

Ideally, yes. I can't imagine being content here, personally, so if I can go back to Terca Lumireis I have every intention of doing so.

[...That isn't to say this hasn't been interesting, but god, he wants to leave.]

But if it's your world that wants you dead and you're removing yourself from it, there isn't any sense in removing yourself from all others as well.

[...]

...It matters little to me what you end up doing, but watching potential waste itself tends to annoy me.

[ Mikami swallows dryly and nods. ]

I'll have ample time to keep thinking about this. And I will hold you to your promise of judgment, regardless of whether or not I end up heeding the advice.

[ He's not fallen so low from his usual self that he'd put up the opinion of Cumore on any sort of pedestal, but he is... maybe curious to see what will be made of the man he is now, judged only for actions he's taken past his failure in his world. ]

The situation has... certainly changed from when I was merely in my world and didn't suspect the existence of any others.

As Captain of the Imperial Knights, it's well within my right and my authority to condemn and execute criminals if I see fit to do so. I won't hold back my judgment for the sake of anything inane like sparing your feelings; you of all people should know by now that I'll tell you if I believe you to be worthless.

It's a bit of a shame that I won't get to play with you if that ends up being the decision. But I don't think most here would let me get away with it.

[so, you know. sadist's gonna want to be sadistic no matter how much fun he thinks you are, but at least he'll be blunt with you regarding judgment itself.]

The important thing is that we're both alive at the end of this. I can handle that much if you can.

[ Ah. There it is, something familiar to latch onto. Cumore's sadism is appreciated as much as it is condemned here, because it makes Mikami roll his eyes in disdain and that makes him feel almost like a person. ]

I will be there. You can count on it.

[ And frowning: ] I may strongly advocate harsh penalties, but I have too much dignity left to let you play. Which is a disgusting word choice.

Truly, you wound me.

[He laughs a bit, though. You're cute, Mikami.]

You're welcome to think it's repulsive. But it's precious if you think any of my toys are in a position to give me permission. The condemned don't really get much of a say.

Don't worry, though. I'll be nice and I won't do that to you, I promise.

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suicidal ideation cw

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