antumbrac | WEEK 6

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Five weeks. It's been five weeks, and twenty-seven has now dwindled down to eleven. And while only two passed this week, this trial may have been the most devastating in its own way, as threads of patience frayed and fragments of trust fractured. Nevertheless, if The Lady is to be believed, that may very well have been the final set of sacrifices that she was waiting for, so perhaps the end is in sight.

Of course, the fact that everyone is still stuck in Krakow means that it's not over yet, and who even knows what's happening over in the Twilight?

And so, some more changes are in store for this week, even if it may not be the same ones that you've gotten used to. For one thing, the fog stays put and no new areas of the city are revealed under the light of the lampposts. Secondly, The Lady is nowhere to be found in the city, with her bookstore office vacated and abandoned with nary a trace as to where she went. And third, the clock tower will no longer operate, which-- well. Actually that's not new at all, but it certainly may make it difficult to keep up with the facade of passing days. At least the moon still serves as a reminder of that, gibbous phase waxing into something fuller over the course of the week even if the color looks a bit off.

It may not be a fresh new start, but it's not time to give up yet, is it? After all, you are all Survivors.

[[Welcome to Week 6! Note that there are no new locations this week, but feel free to make top levels at your discretion, and remember to note it in your header if you plan on investigating any locations. As alluded above, The Lady will be unavailable, while Rembrandt will still be around on Monday and Tuesday before disappearing for the rest of the week.]]

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[ 'I wouldn't let you stop me' is on the tip of his tongue, really, but it's not worth it to say. In the end, Cumore is no small part of what made Mikami regain his motivation in the first place so sassing him about it is superfluous.

Mikami's going to keep taking apart decorative lobby picture frames while talking. ]

She did. For all she's promising to let us go, I do not believe her in the slightest. Also her shoulder... well, if she is messing up her own body, you will not find me complaining.

Oh, we're absolutely going to die if she gets her way. I'm not harboring any delusions about that.

[Just saying.]

I believe her when she says she's bored of this, but that's only because I believe that she gets bored in the same way I get bored.

[And then he starts looking for people to play with.]

[ He looks up from his work to raise an eyebrow. ]

Are you really using yourself as a base to profile her on?

Consider it one of the benefits of having unrighteous allies. We aren't surprised when common enemies start acting like this.

I've met my share of unrighteous and downright unhinged people before, it comes with the job.

[ Just because they're usually not his allies!! Anyway... ]

But alright, I'll regret asking and I will do it anyway. What do you do when you get bored?

Well, if it's solely boredom then I can usually find ways to amuse myself. Working on personal projects, killing monsters, all of that.

This is the sort of thing that happens when I tell people I'm bored because things have stopped going well. There are a lot of executions on days like that.

I'm wondering what stopped going well. I doubt it's because Ango made her bleed.

[ Executions. Great. Briefly he wonders how their body counts measure up next to each other but that's morbid to ask. ]

The loss of Dist seems to have also displeased her... but if I had to issue a guess, it would relate to the Twilight somehow. It doesn't seem like that was included in her plans.

I'd say not.

[...]

I'll see if I can find something related to that, perhaps. In one of the areas that's gotten power back.

Thank you.

[ Saying thanks to Cumore is becoming a little too effortless and a little too genuine these days. ]

We really have no time to lose now. Strange to think, after time seemed to drag out endlessly this last month.

I wouldn't say it's felt overly long to me, but I imagine we've been having different experiences.

[...okay look- ]

I have something to discuss with you at some point. I doubt either of us will care for it much.

[ Mikami looks... confused. He's genuinely not sure what this is about. The general status of their discussions has always been somewhere between 'we both hate that we're getting along' and 'uncomfortably comfortable and casual', so this doesn't seem... out of the ordinary? The announcement is weird. ]

I am always open to conversation.

[ And there is nobody else in this hotel right now. ]

[oh my god mikami you useless walnut of a man

fine

you want to do this now, we'll do this now]

Why didn't you tell me that you were considering Terca Lumireis, after all of this is over?

[There's surprisingly no bite to it; one of the few things he's asked that's just a question.]

[ Did you ever want to be in a comedy movie where a shocking piece of dialogue is accompanied by the timed slapstick-esque dropping of an object? Probably not. ~~Does Terca Lumireis even have movies?~~

Either way, that's what's going on here as the picture frame he's reassembling slips from Mikami's fingers and crashes down onto the reception desk.

Cumore isn't supposed to know this. Even Mikami realizes he hasn't been very subtle about it, but there had been literally no sign of Cumore figuring it out when they had the actual talk. Why now, two days later? Why now, that he's already gotten over himself and stopped being such an utterly pathetic fool? ]

... what?

[ This is a very weak response, both in terms of eloquence and tone of voice. ]

[And true to form, Cumore gives not a fuck about weakness, though he admittedly jumps a bit when the frame comes down. As it turns out, we do not in fact have movies in Terca Lumireis. We have functioning holograms for some reason and we can do some cool stuff with magical hovering keyboards that reprogram the life force of the fucking planet. But no movies. Alas.]

You heard me. Why didn't you tell me?

[ Mikami is very markedly not making eye contact. He's... going to examine the glass panel he just cracked. That's a good thing to be looking at right now as his heart hammers in his ears. He's been doing so good today. Motivated, stable.

Why is he being confronted with the remnants of his breakdown now? ]

I... I don't think it was actually hard to tell.

[ To his own discredit. ]

What brings this up now?

[Cumore isn't exactly sure what he expected Teru Mikami to do in response to this, now that he thinks about it; deny it, maybe. Blow him off, tell him it's irrelevant if he couldn't come up with something convincing to get him to leave him alone. Do as he usually does and assume he'll be picked on for it but ultimately take that in favor of actually saying...anything he just said.

But he did in fact just say everything he just said, even if it wasn't a lot it was enough, and he isn't sure if he wants to die or if he wants Teru Mikami to die but the fact of the matter is that there are too many people in this room and one of them really needs to be removed from it somehow.]

Does it matter? I...

[He doesn't have a good way to finish that, hang on.]

Is that what you want? Because it was conveyed rather poorly if it is.

[ Mikami heartily seconds the sentiment that one of them really needs to die right about now, because this is too much. Entirely too much. He'll try and focus on this thing called breathing. In and out. This is just a conversation. Cumore is just a person - but that's the issue, isn't it? He's just a person, not even a good one at that. Mikami should not be placing any importance on him. He didn't know it was possible to hate what you're doing so much and still be unable to quit. ]

It was... it was a consideration. It was you who said that my death would be a waste of capability, so I am looking for a place to apply that capability.

Evidently, Terca Lumireis was a bad fit.

[ He doesn't sound super sure, but he is at least trying very hard to be as deadpan as always. ]

[Why are you so incorrigibly stupid- ]

I'm not asking you what I said, I'm asking what you want!

[ He'll just... freeze up even further here. They've been over this concept of wanting and how incredibly hard it is for Mikami to grasp at this stage of his life. Wanting things used to be easy, everything he wanted and desired and believed in aligned into one neat line. A picture perfect life plan, simple to follow even if not always easy. Forward, forward, forward. Regular.

Now, however, he's spent weeks wishing nothing more than that he could turn back time. Go back to the person he thought he was. It's only a very recent development that he has accepted he cannot return to it. He can't turn back time. And maybe he cannot even escape this by simply ceasing to exist, because that would be running away and offer no benefit to anybody but himself. Who knew that the first criminal execution he'd be talked out of would be his own?

But this is leaving him with an empty future, a world of curved paths and no straight directions. What he wants is order. It cannot be given to him. So then, he has to think smaller... beginnings of things he wants.

He wants a room that is his own. He wants it to be clean. He wants to have a few books. A wardrobe that fits him and doesn't scratch. Little things. Little things that on their own are hollow.

He wants to have the voice in his head (his own voice) shut up. He wants his thoughts to stop swirling in circles. He wants order.

And there is only one person who even halfway believably promised him that ever since his life started falling apart. That's the crux of the issue, that's where it all comes together and then falls apart again.

The unthinkable desire at the bottom of his heart is for Cumore to save him. And he's never, not in a million years, going to say this out loud.

Which begs the question of what to say instead. ]

I....

[ This is not him. This is not him. This is not him. Except it is. ]

Yes. When I asked you this, I wanted to hear that there would be something I could do in your world. I had the inane hope that you could give me a purpose. I wasn't thinking straight. Forget about it.

[That's...

If he's honest, it's not something he knows what to do with. It's unlike anything he's ever been asked to handle, and he isn't sure what he thinks of it. It crosses his mind, vaguely, that becoming Commandant would require things like this - providing a purpose for those who don't have any, and resolving things for those who had one but lost it somewhere along the way - and it bothers him for the briefest of moments before he dismisses it. Not that this is more important than that - his ambition is what it is, and it's not in his nature to defy it; at the same time, maybe there's something to be said, just for now, about the difference between nature and choice.

And he chooses not to get distracted now, or conflate that with whatever this is, and the truth of the matter is that he's still frustrated and he's still angry and it takes him a moment to become slightly less tense and to ungrit his teeth and when he breathes it's in a really indignant huff before he makes himself at least try to let go of it. And when the anger releases there isn't a whole lot left, just a sense that he's going to be looking just about anywhere but towards Teru Mikami right now, and when he speaks it's tense and tight, the impending loss of control seeming unsurprisingly but almost alarmingly imminent.]

Well! That's all well and good, Teru Mikami. You've finally figured out something you want. But you know how I live my life - it's always been about what I want, and since you don't seem to be taking that into consideration while making your plans I'm going to tell you what I want, and damn you, you're going to listen to me!

[...He has generally kept close enough control over himself to keep from going from zero to screaming like that very much here in Krakow. But right now it takes him a moment to stop, because screaming isn't going to fix this and it doesn't help in the least when it comes to dealing with Teru Mikami anyway, and when he continues his words are back down in volume but no less tense.]

I want to show you Aspio - it's probably the only place where people would be more incensed about the Lady taking up residence in the bookstore than you. It's a city of mages, with the largest libraries and bookstores in Terca Lumireis. They rent out space there so you never have to leave, should you choose not to. I can teach you how our lettering system works so you can read all the books you want.

And while we're out there, I want you to see the sacred tree at Halure, because I've heard it's not dead anymore and if that's the case it's going to be the most beautiful thing you'ee going to see in your miserable lifetime. I'm probably going to have to go back out there anyway, seeing as I'm due for one of the stupid pilgrimages we have to go on from time to time, and I've been putting it off because I'm terrible at it but it might not be quite so hideous if I have someone else there with me who's never done one before, and I might not mind as much if that person is you.

I want to give you opportunities that you haven't had before, because you've almost never left your hometown and Terca Lumireis is too beautiful to never see it. I want to give you more money than you know how to spend, just to see what you do with it, because I can afford to do things like that. And when I'm Commandant, I want you to serve as my advisor, because while I don't agree with you about most things you at least have a concept of what would be for the greater good and what wouldn't. If you want a different position, I'll make one for you if I have to.

I want you to come back with me, if you deem that acceptable. I'm not going to be a good person, and I'm not going to live up to your standards, and I'm going to disappoint you. But I'm not making this decision for you, either. If it's what you want, I'll have you.

[...It is taking all the restraint he has and a good amount that he doesn't to not just flounce out of this hotel now that that's out there. He's. Not really sure what to do with himself, but you can rest assured that he is glaring at one of the magazine racks like it's the stupid magazines' fault that this is happening at all.]

[ When Cumore starts yelling Mikami paradoxically realizes that that's exactly what he'd wished for all along. For Cumore to tell him, selfishly and with one hundred percent clairty, what he wants. What Cumore wants may not be agreeable in the slightest in many cases, but it's always a clear path. Cumore doesn't know uncertainty and that's why Mikami has such a hard time looking away from him despite the whole of their lives not being compatible in the slightest. It's what he's lacking now and what he's finding in another person.

When Cumore is certain, so is Mikami. Not in agreement, no. He could never follow Cumore the way he'd followed Kira, followed Light Yagami. He could never find it in himself to feel devotion for this horrid man. It's just that when Cumore speaks like this, Mikami knows what he wants. It all becomes a matter of clear yes or no choices. Black or white. Good or evil. Yes or no. It's all easy to figure out then.

Sometime during this speech, Mikami stops staring at his hands to look up at Cumore, almost entranced by the detail with which the future is opening itself up. A future of a kind he never saw for himself but that is becoming vivid now.

It's a relief. All of this is such an incredible relief. Mikami realizes dimly that when Cumore had barely reacted to his probing, a part of him had thought Cumore didn't want him. That all of his talk about wasting potential had been a strange unexpected platitude because Cumore didn't even want to use that potential for his own selfish gain. It had hurt a little, strangely. He hadn't thought Cumore capable of such insincerity. That was his one good quality after all.

At the end, there is a few seconds of silence. Mikami feels lightheaded. Breathe. In and out. Regular. Alright. ]

...you should have said so from the start. It doesn't suit you to be quiet about your desires.

[ Yes, he's turning this stick around now, though his voice is quiet. His gaze drops back to anywhere but Cumore as he keeps going. ]

I'm not going to let you get your way all the time. I am not going to abandon my morals and I am going to get in your way. But I know you know that.

Of course I know that.

[Well. That was immediate.]

[ Breathe. In and out and then mostly out because this is a lot of tension draining. ]

Good.

[ And he knows, too, that Cumore will let him down more than once and maybe more than he can swallow, but that's a problem for... any other time than now. ]

I'm coming with you.

Good.

[Okay, just. Let him breathe a bit now that all of that is out there and oh god they've actually decided to do this, haven't they.

...He's just making the executive decision now that we can go pretty much anywhere except Heliord. Heliord is off-limits because he does not want to explain what the fuck is going on with that.]

It's going to be far different than anything you're used to. Don't complain to me if it's all unfamiliar. I can teach you whatever you need to know, either way.

I knew it was going to be a monumental change from the moment I first considered following you.

[ Like half of their conversations have been about Terca Lumireis and how unbelievably weird it is. Mikami knows that he still has no idea what to expect, but he knows enough to assume it won't be unlivable and that's what is important.

He's just going to take off his glasses here so he can massage the base of his nose, because this was... exhausting. Then he looks back up at Cumore because eye contact has stopped feeling entirely impossible. It helps that he can only see him blurrily now. ]

You will not hear me complaining. I am diligent. Give me a few weeks after I learn how to read and I will understand your history and politics well enough. I.... I may have been looking to you for guidance, but I have no intent of being a hindrance that needs to be taken care of.

WEEK 6

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i am so sorry for this tldr

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